Channeled [Opinions] -_-

This is a rather long one.

Events of the last 48 hours have taught me that I have been going about this wrong. That my inability to stifle this opinionated trap is wearing thin on me, as well as some people around me. There was a time in the good old days when people used to get over heartaches without having the world read it as part of the their daily news fix. There was a time when people just cried silently in their bedrooms, to themselves and not to people running random Google searches.

It's time I learn to do this the old fashioned way, so I am putting this blog on permanent vacation.

I will still write every bleeding word somewhere of course, such is my bane and the way I have chosen to deal with it. I may perhaps even write on a Blogger compose tab, but I won't be publishing anything. Maybe one day when the sunshine radiates again, I could find the resolute to publish everything I have written in hiding during this period. But it must feel absolutely good to every party involved.

This blog will remain up kept however, in that the banners will change frequently-ish. And I may post a song up for download here and there, so check back whenever you can. Why these half-handed gestures? I don't think I can totally abandon it. Much has happened over these pages, from my existence's summits to some of its worst tragedies. I intend to to see to it, even though it will be a little bed-ridden from now.

I want to take this time to thank the 39 people who read this blog frequently. I have no idea who you are, but thanks for the soapbox you've given me. It's hold up pretty well up until recently. Perhaps you can say hi in the comments box when this post is published. But if you're shy then perhaps you can not as well.

What happens now? I begin on my book. I found my topic browsing through biscuits at the supermarket today. No it won't be about the delicate relationship between butter and sugar, but it's going to be my two cents to the world, to give something back in return for the space I've taken in it. Then again maybe it's just a cent. But perhaps those that chance upon it one day when it is completed can find a decent paragraph to feast on that they won't cringe in absolute mortification.

I have much to mull over. There are many regrets to be resolved. There are many wrong things I have said that I need to make right. There are many people I have hurt that I need to apologize to. There are goals I have set, that I need to start coming good on. There is a God that I have abandoned, that I need to start learning to get to know again.

I hurt more than I've ever hurt before. I am not going to kid myself into thinking that this is just some figment of my lofty imagination. The pain is very real, and of course, sickeningly familiar. So I am giving myself some time to grieve. Why? Because we need to mourn significant loses properly. To have a respectable funeral for it before we begin our existences anew. I dare not say when I can do that with absolute certainty but what is certain is that I am going to at least work towards it. And if the chips fall and I am asked to be the scapegoat for this little portion of existence I am responsible for, then so be it. At the very least this serial brooder took three seconds off his lazy boy to get something done.

And maybe one day I may have more opinions to channel. Opinions that do not involve another. Then perhaps that will be the day when I drag this sucker back from the tropical punches and back to the weekly grind.

But for now, it's goodbye and goodnight.

May the Lord grant thee all the wishes of your heart, the answers to the questions on your minds and the ability to properly maintain everything in good order.

Oh, and Merry Christmas.

Labels: Events, Existential

It's weird huh?

I have hardly seen him for over six months now. On most normal days I certainly do not give him too much of a thought.

But after surviving dog fights, tumbling down flights of stairs and being completely blind and devoid of sense of smell and hearing durring his later days, he clocks out at age 15. A ripe old age I must say.

For some reason, I greeted the news with a distinct and unique sadness from the one I've been experiencing lately.

Bye Chips. Take care ol' boy.

Labels: Events, Existential