tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76050422012-03-14T23:25:14.154+08:00the reaper faces mr. orange, company dinner 15.12.07The Geeknoreply@blogger.comBlogger3711100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-23990466051724531522007-12-11T22:37:00.000+08:002007-12-12T00:00:27.123+08:00

This is a rather long one.Events of the last 48 hours have taught me that I have been going about this wrong. That my inability to stifle this opinionated trap is wearing thin on me, as well as some people around me. There was a time in the good old days when people used to get over heartaches without having the world read it as part of the their daily news fix. There was a time when people just

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-75443472672272915082007-12-10T04:07:00.000+08:002007-12-10T12:14:55.922+08:00

I can't breathe, can barely sleep.I toss and turn on my colorful sheets, trying to reinvent myself in its sparkling colors, to little avail. I try to tire myself by thinking, but the more I think, the more awake I get. Anguish is like fuel for our jaded minds.And you can rehearse for this moment. Role-playing it and testing your response every time to see if it improves. Train your weathered

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-6313246327498560472007-12-10T00:22:00.000+08:002007-12-10T00:57:15.093+08:00

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-86384201122106980752007-12-08T23:56:00.000+08:002007-12-09T00:45:06.764+08:00

I am done with moping on this blog.That doesn't mean the hurting have stopped and I transfigured into the flesh epitome of Mr. Happy. Rather bloody far from that.But it does mean that I will no longer air my emotional underwears out on this rather public channel. At least not explicitly. No real reason other than the notion that I perhaps need to start finding another voice again.Playing this sod

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-33586192123032619092007-12-07T18:40:00.000+08:002007-12-07T19:04:54.787+08:00

I am starting this personal project. I don't expect this project to take too long.ObjectiveThe objective of the project is for me to fade off the consciousness of everyone around me.ReasonI am tired of being the 'why not' guy. The one where people don't mind hanging out with. I am tired of having to beg and grovel for acceptance when others have the option of choosing, dumping and choosing again.

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-69050329535923291742007-12-06T22:07:00.000+08:002007-12-06T22:34:07.505+08:00

I hate to be misunderstood.Listeners are a rare breed these days. Someone who will take the four seconds needed to properly understand what you have to say. Everyone just wants to talk, say their idiotic three cents worth even when it is rather obvious that thousands have said it before them in the last hour. Everyone wants to pretend like they've just discovered the secret to foaming beer, to

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-79445273816699471632007-12-02T22:08:00.000+08:002007-12-02T22:42:32.271+08:00

This weekend, it ends.This is the weekend where I decided to stop pretending that there isn't a world outside the four wooden frames of my room window. For awhile now I have been religiously peering inwards, slowly constructing my own little dark world mortar by mortar and happily getting lost in its barren and wasted skylines.But this weekend I decided that it's time to pull the blankets down

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-62433309367567160302007-12-01T23:08:00.000+08:002007-12-01T23:50:22.033+08:00

I don't feel like embarking on another long adventure.Yes, I do have a taste for traveling as much as the person with the knapsack next to me. But yet, there is a strong epiphany that I should not get up too quickly on another Greyhound just yet.Why this is so, I don't know.Perhaps it's because I just ended a long and winding adventure. And the thought of having to start another one from bottom

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-23660269301006299632007-11-27T10:35:00.000+08:002007-11-27T11:32:23.199+08:00

Denny Crane: I don't know whether you know this but not many men take the time, every day, to have a cigar, glass of scotch, to talk to their best friend. That's not something most men have.Alan Shore: No it isn't.Denny Crane: What I give to you, what I share, I do with no one else. I like to think that what you give to me you do with nobody else. Now that may sound silly to you. But here's what

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-36579922333347084402007-11-25T10:05:00.002+08:002007-11-25T10:26:10.618+08:00

I have tried being less dramatic about my condition in recent days.It's not a positive-minded initiative to drag myself out of this provincial mud pile but rather it's my bid to be better company for the people around me. As much as most people would like to entertain the deepest and darkest possibilities of my mind, most people prefer to have a event-less lunch without the emotional

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-55040810881546050532007-11-24T07:05:00.000+08:002007-11-24T07:23:27.017+08:00

It's weird huh?I have hardly seen him for over six months now. On most normal days I certainly do not give him too much of a thought.But after surviving dog fights, tumbling down flights of stairs and being completely blind and devoid of sense of smell and hearing durring his later days, he clocks out at age 15. A ripe old age I must say.For some reason, I greeted the news with a distinct and

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-16378869864253651512007-11-23T09:20:00.000+08:002007-11-23T11:47:10.967+08:00

I have banned some CDs from the player.It's not a standing ban, perhaps just a temporal one so that I can starve off the season without yet another critter giving me a super poke to the side.I always found it intriguing how a simple tune can create such compelling and often vivid emotional attachments. I have blogged before about this very intrigue. But this is the first time I have ever shunned

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-23391186730628505022007-11-20T18:30:00.000+08:002007-11-20T19:17:02.131+08:00

I wish for the day I can see the word love and think about myself , instead of being spiteful that it's something others have in abundance while I don't.I wish for about 30-leave days and about RM5,000 so that I can run off to a deserted town and be alone for a month. Without having to see, hear or do anything that will remind me of something.I wish for the day I can see that smile again, next to

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-13110895627541060152007-11-20T09:02:00.000+08:002007-11-20T10:44:28.374+08:00

I've had to keep my hands out of many of my most favorite cookie jars recently.It's not been easy because I've naturally been rather hungry and a cookie's about as quick a fix as you can get this side of a convenience store. But I have forcefully abstained myself from digging into the buffet.Why? Because it's doesn't feel right to.Well naturally, the saying was never to imply that it's forgivable

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-57529458157696460712007-11-19T08:25:00.000+08:002007-11-19T16:52:43.559+08:00

Someone squared to me recently that she does not know how to handle me anymore, and that most people around me don't either.I confess that I have not been the easiest to be around with lately.I have zero sunny disposition to offer and on most days, you can catch me at best on maintenance mode, waiting for yet another ruthless day to end.But it's not like I have been hankering desperately for

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-87445244248633328572007-11-15T09:41:00.000+08:002007-11-15T13:39:04.935+08:00

Eighteen years have gone by, and still I can bring back every detail of that day in the meadow. Washed clean of summer's dust by days of gentle rain, the mountains wore a deep, brilliant green. The October breeze set white fronds of head-tall grasses swaying. One long streak of cloud hung pasted across a dome of frozen blue. It almost hurt to look at that faroff sky. A puff of wind swept across

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-29256818762948254812007-11-13T11:53:00.000+08:002007-11-13T11:59:51.696+08:00

Denny: Are we setting a bad example? I shoot people.Alan: I bribe them.Denny: We drink.Alan: We smoke.Denny: I'm unfaithful.Alan: Not to me.Denny: Never to you.Alan: We're not setting examples. We're just being true to who we are.Denny: Who are we?Alan: Denny Crane.Denny: Alan Shore.Alan: Leaders of men.

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-16732373865396387802007-11-13T11:13:00.000+08:002007-11-13T11:47:58.205+08:00

I changed another routine today.Well then again it somewhat started yesterday, rather prematurely but it's begun officially today. I woke up at 5.10am yesterday. I have been having some uneasy nights, drifting in and out of sleep. Possibly a symptom of not exactly hitting a existence-high. So I decided to suit up and try and run it off. I ran for about 45 minutes, on and off, around my block.If

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-43014636076546033642007-11-12T11:31:00.000+08:002007-11-12T11:39:35.166+08:00

Denny: Alan, you know, one thing you sometimes forget is, no matter how hard your day, no matter how tough your choices, how complex your ethical decisions, you always get to choose what you have for lunch.Alan: Daily, I am amazed at your inexhaustible ability to just live.Denny: It's either that or die.

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-67665101480407572742007-11-12T09:18:00.000+08:002007-11-12T11:28:31.359+08:00

Nostalgia is a far too strong fortress to conquer when are dealing with the expulsion of misery.Nostalgia often reminds us of what we had, playing up its cards, press releases and PR campaigns so that we hardly ever notice what we have. It's often also forceful to remind us that the past is always brighter than the future. That our best days are gone , behind us. That we casually drove past it

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-54357581021812630502007-11-09T16:56:00.000+08:002007-11-09T17:18:56.812+08:00

Nothing excites me anymore.I find myself having less and less things to wake up in the morning for. There is no more zest in this raggedy coil. Perhaps one day it should be fitting that I do not, and just sleep my portion of eternity away.I used to love my life, but I have grown to abhor it. It's decayed into an unrecognizable form, hideous and selfish, a vagabond that prefers to be left alone to

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-91257194943794861802007-11-08T12:35:00.000+08:002007-11-08T14:41:43.601+08:00

I have been on an administrative rampage to label all the posts on this blog. It's no easy feat when you have nearly 500 posts straddling a thin balance between being 'Existential' crap to being nearly nothing much at all.As such I have been gazing through some of my older posts.Interestingly, much of posts I have been putting up lately have been said in some form or another in an older post. I

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-66003234898936870602007-11-07T08:30:00.000+08:002007-11-07T08:58:32.048+08:00

You know how you're driving at times and you hit this junction where you have four cars coming from and heading to four different directions? And you raise your hands as a gesture of thanks to ask for passage, and the person in the other car sees it but proceeds to ignore it and turn anyways. I hate that.I hate it because as a functioning member of human society, I expect reciprocation whenever I

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-16305247612496035712007-11-05T10:18:00.000+08:002007-11-05T10:25:59.589+08:00

Denny: You never talk about your wife. What was she like?Alan: She had all the most delectable qualities one could hope for. Creativity, desire, zealotry, a gorgeous clavicle, healthy lack of inhibition.Denny: Sounds spectacular. What happened?Alan: She began...to know me too well and I began to hate her for it. Even when I was unpredictable, she'd predict it. For those of us who aspire to be

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-4365219836912226302007-11-05T09:25:00.000+08:002007-11-05T09:44:50.693+08:00

I guess I have always been an ‘unhappy’ person.Not that I have served out such a terrible existence, of course not. To suggest so would be an insult to the thousands living on the streets or the kids who have not known who their parents were/are.I am perhaps an unhappy person because I often choose to be.About 3 years ago, I experienced a magically bright spark in my existence. So bright that it

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-10426699643206496432007-11-04T11:49:00.000+08:002007-11-04T12:46:04.538+08:00

As a card-carrying member of Christianity for a good 18-years now, I have often heard the tag 'there's no big sin or small sin - sin is sin, it's either you have or you have not'.Which is why I could never understand the term 'I don't love you enough'.In many ways I have often viewed love as the anti-thesis of sin but their basic properties are largely similar. So in the same manner, I have

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-20912536059793681512007-11-03T12:10:00.000+08:002007-11-03T13:47:02.253+08:00

I forcefully engaged myself into first gear yesterday.For months now, my existence has been largely in park. It was intentional. I felt if anything that at the time, I needed things to remain just as they were because I did not want to change manage. Or perhaps I was much too in love with what I had, and not too interested in what I can have.Then there were days I forced myself into reverse.

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-88633374430302826252007-10-31T09:43:00.000+08:002007-11-04T12:49:23.594+08:00

Ever felt like you've been playing the game of your happiness with the ball constantly at someone else's box? Like you had no control over the outcome of whatever game you're playing.I have felt like that for a good part of my 30-year existence.For large portions of it I have always defaulted the ball into another's court. Perhaps this is due to my inability to serve strongly on most occasions.

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-68722414640578978112007-10-30T11:35:00.000+08:002007-10-30T17:39:15.914+08:00

Ever had that almost-great notion?I mean, you pretty much understand the whole damn jigsaw puzzle and what it is you're looking at but you're missing about 27 puzzle pieces. So it's hardly frame-worthy. And jigsaws that you can't at least frame, will often reduce itself to being little pieces again in due time. It's well, frustrating and of course, incomplete.Yes that's the word - my existence

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-51667474010614527642007-10-29T09:12:00.000+08:002007-10-29T12:05:24.434+08:00

Stop me if you've heard this one before.Guy/girl dies. The film grain is a dark-ish blue. A small funeral is put together. No one shows up, because the deceased, did not touch base with enough people to warrant them showing up at his/her funeral. And the camera pans into the casket, and it's you.I have many epiphanies about death. It's not uncommon for my head to drift to things that are

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-6443288481507120112007-10-26T12:11:00.000+08:002007-10-26T19:09:27.626+08:00

Some days, not unlike today, I feel my existence needs to a good hearty shake.And not the get-a-new-hobby kind of left-right gargle but good upside down turn-of-the-century stuff. The kind where you, and even the people around you will never-ever be the same again. It's like you evaporated into a ghost, float halfway across the world and dunked yourself into the wrong body and you wake up next

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-89297287730583659872007-10-25T17:17:00.000+08:002007-10-25T17:33:07.269+08:00

Are some people just idiots?As in were you christened heir Lord Idiot when they passed out barrel-scraping names? And when that didn't quite work on your thick head you proceeded to learn Idiot 101 like a champ student. Idiot.Do I have to repeat myself twice to everything? Is that karma policing for Lord Idiots? Do I look like I enjoy listening to you speak on the matter. If there was any

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-69926376364392870942007-10-25T09:25:00.000+08:002007-10-25T10:47:21.777+08:00

Denny Crane: It's fun being me. [after thoughtful pause] Denny Crane: Is it fun being you? Alan Shore: Most of the time.from Boston LegalIt hasn't been fun being me for awhile now.There are days, when the sun radiates on a weekend morning, I am in front of my notebook writing a feature story and with a packed day of events ranging from a trip to the gym and a dinner appointment in the night,

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-71069249270588959612007-10-24T11:31:00.000+08:002007-10-24T12:00:05.301+08:00

I can't remember those moments very well anymore.I've tried, countless times in the past three days, to remember, but I can't. What moments? The ones on an unassuming Tuesday evening, at around 5.30 when we were waiting to knock off work and maybe grab some dinner along the way. I don't remember any car rides, although we certainly took many. I don't remember any less-significant conversations.I

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-50712124118988593392007-10-21T18:37:00.000+08:002007-10-21T18:51:23.376+08:00

House: They're out there, doctors, lawyers postal workers some of them doing great some of them doing lousy. Are you going to base your whole life on who you got stuck in a room with?Eve: I'm going to base this moment on who I'm stuck in a room with. It's what life is. It's a series of rooms and who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are.It’s hard to say if there are

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-42947142691653146942007-10-19T09:30:00.000+08:002007-10-19T11:51:09.531+08:00

SurprisinglyMaybe it's the start of something good.

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-33033373926125877532007-10-13T13:17:00.000+08:002007-10-13T15:04:26.378+08:00

I had a nice moment yesterday.Those are rather rare these days, and I have come to expect them to arrive from certain angles in my existence. But this one, arrived from a rather unlikely corner.It was about 7.20pm on a Raya eve. I walked into a petrol station store to pick up some cash and gas. There was a Malay attendant behind the counter. There was a line, some generally irate customers who

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-38754400507784623792007-10-12T08:58:00.000+08:002007-10-12T15:42:54.845+08:00

You said you'd die for me/You said you'd die for me/So why can't you live for me/Why won't you live for me? - 'Everything's Perfect', MagnetEven Johansen may not be professed as too much of a lyrical poet but in one sentence during the bridge of this lovely album opener, he encapsulated my ethos of sacrifice perfectly.I have found it difficult in recent times to live for things. Mainly because

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-74288372208263721652007-10-11T08:38:00.000+08:002007-10-11T08:48:55.469+08:00

I drove by a couple of my old houses last night.It wasn’t a premeditated move but a spontaneous one driven by emotional fatigue and mild sleepiness. I just needed a change in routine instead of driving down that same 11km highway pass that same gas station, en route back to home.The first one was largely sparse. The porch had no car, no flower pots and the living room appears not to have a

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-6241860344906149002007-10-10T09:23:00.000+08:002007-10-10T09:57:04.285+08:00

I used to be such a morning person.The trickling-in of sunshine through the plastic window blinds, a cup of coffee in hand and the prospect and endless possibilities of a day ahead of you used to give me such a kick.Mornings have become rather harrowing in recent days. The torturous cacophony of nothing that greets your re-entrance back into reality. No ring-a-ding from the alarm, because you

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-9877859004692344242007-10-10T08:39:00.000+08:002007-10-10T08:47:55.861+08:00

I seem to have the propensity to use inappropriate or even outdated terms sometimes.Like how I seem to still use the term bad days and good days almost subconsciously when I am asked the derogative conversational ice-breaker of how was your day?The honest to goodness honorary citizen’s truth is that I rarely have good days these days. I have good minutes, and if I hit a mood jackpot, a good hour.

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-70898577876383682052007-10-09T09:11:00.000+08:002007-10-09T09:17:16.322+08:00

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-58708524086519278792007-10-09T09:00:00.000+08:002007-10-09T09:26:52.627+08:00

Have you ever felt desperate lately?It's a rather unique acquired taste. It's a feeling that reminds us that our existence is entirely circumstantial and that a flip of a page could be what separates popping the bubble on the ending and enjoying that one final page before it happens.I have been desperate to feel happy lately.This one's particularly unique and alien to me. I have always said that

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-12629217215768056632007-10-08T09:27:00.000+08:002007-10-08T09:49:45.640+08:00

Have you ever watched those George Romero apocalyptic zombie movies?The ones where it’s a million against seven people? You can always tell which one of the seven is going to become zombie dinner. It’s either the far-too terrified coward, the bastard/bitch of the group or the over-heroic hero who is about to but the other six some time while he gets eaten.I realized some time ago that my purpose

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-23086692109470760112007-10-06T12:52:00.000+08:002007-11-09T17:01:56.682+08:00

I am not happy with the person I am at this moment.Even this moment, as I sit in this brand-spanking new cafe near my house, typing this blog post out amidst organizing my Fantasy team for tonight's clashes and finishing up on some stories I am working on. I am unhappy with the person I am.It's not like I've degraded into an unrecognizable form. Like goods that have not passed stringent quality

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-67082535812417991142007-10-05T09:33:00.000+08:002007-10-05T10:59:01.017+08:00

I have been running on stand by for a bit.My efforts, even in existing, has been at 30% capacity at best. I don't try as hard as I used to at work. I see things, as I have always seen them but my swiftness in acting on them has been slow, almost uncaring. Which I know is a severe disadvantage to my current down lines. But I seem, severely uninitiated.And it's not just work. It's even crept into

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-87703527091668399652007-10-03T14:31:00.000+08:002007-10-03T09:27:52.899+08:00

I am flawed.Like a lover without someone to love. Like a dyslexic poet. Like a song without a chorus.Somewhere in a castle above the clouds where they wire human beings and send them out into wombs to brave the hardships of the world, someone goofed off while assembling me, perhaps to grab a smoke or to polish its feathered wings.I am missing a component.It’s the one that helps you think

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-52382981311318018972007-10-03T09:08:00.000+08:002007-10-03T09:19:11.465+08:00

I have learned to hate a lot in the past two days.I’ve been focusing on it, resenting the people who have benefited from my shortcomings, throwing fuel at it by thinking about the laughter they have behind closed doors away from me and the enrichment that they have wrought from stepping into those doors.I also recognize that I have burned many bridges in the few two days, some that may never be

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-32610062389400960062007-10-02T09:35:00.000+08:002007-10-02T16:30:43.387+08:00

I’ve had it.You try to coax yourself into buying the fact that sometimes coincidences happen, that bad things happen randomly and never through a proper heat-seeking target system. But one can’t be dealt a continuous barrage of bad cards for long before he realizes that someone somewhere has decided that my existence is worthless and expendable.But no more, because today I declare that I have

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-3437948891575415102007-10-01T09:37:00.000+08:002007-10-01T11:36:51.852+08:00

Sigh, it has started.The rat race has caught up with me, fresh on my 30th lap and no more ahead at the 800,346 768th placing.I have stated countless times to people as well as on this blog that I don't consider myself as having a tenacious competitive streak. I guess that still holds up decently at certain podiums. I am not the guy put a dare to because you won't get much out of me. I can walk

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-41957656398273088082007-09-26T09:50:00.000+08:002007-09-26T12:18:33.231+08:00

If you've been reading my blog for any length of period recently, you probably might have noticed that I have taken to not using the word life anymore.Instead, I have replaced it with the word existence. I believe that's a more accurate word to represent how I've spent these last 30-years of my existence (note).Many people I know live lives. They start off on a decent foot, pick up speed around

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-77698002963461096552007-09-25T12:15:00.000+08:002007-09-25T13:02:30.715+08:00

To borrow a question from Fergus - have you ever heard of the theory about red cars? That when you see one, you are likely to see another one. It's pretty nifty, you should try it some time.In the same way I am inclined to think that good and bad things are not unlike red automobiles - they tend to move in packs. The surprise birthday party often also comes packaged with a Singapore trip and

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-20662811118815931782007-09-23T19:31:00.000+08:002007-09-23T20:52:05.065+08:00

Impressions are powerful.They aren't too unlike the prospect of taking the decisive penalty kick in the final of the World Cup. You have one chance to get it right, because if you blow that decisive chance to get it right, an adjustment might be far too difficult to carve. And once you've missed, there goes your career, your form and perhaps even the girlfriend. Or in the case of impressions,

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-61288907052184207032007-09-22T10:58:00.000+08:002007-09-22T11:31:25.920+08:00

I have this this friend.He doesn't really try be more than the person he is. He appears very contented with whatever he has, never aspiring to have more. He is very naturally unaffected by his surroundings. I have not quite figured out if he has mastered the art of ignoring them or that he just has that short an attention span. Nevertheless, what is important is that he never fails to cheer me up

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-13467172695503373772007-09-22T10:41:00.000+08:002007-09-22T11:42:47.449+08:00

This blog was started when I was in a very dark place. It was an uncertain time that prompted me to this. A moment when I thought this could elevate my frustrations and fears into a constructive exercise. I was reading my old posts the other day. It’s not unlike picking up letters from an ex-girlfriend. It’s always been a little queer for me to read old love letters. The words used and

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-24215629178586401992007-09-20T09:48:00.000+08:002007-09-24T11:44:50.829+08:00

Like most government schools here in this country, there is one teacher that stood menacingly above the rest, dishing out hard pinches and donning a rod (this is of course during the heyday of pre-anti-canning). The term teacher is of course used rather loosely in this context, seeing as he/she hardly does much teaching. This is the discipline teacher, and anyone that's donned a thin white shirt

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-35218520982955826992007-09-18T09:48:00.000+08:002007-09-24T11:36:06.308+08:00

Around 1996, I used to go to the movies alone, a lot.I remember watching Cameron Crowe's Jerry Maguire and feeling just slightly odd that I have no one to show affection to when Jerry uttered those other three (now) appalling words. But only just, not quite enough for me to stop going to the movies on my own for the rest of the year.A girlfriend and three years later, I found that I could not

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-10003718563395770192007-09-17T09:45:00.000+08:002007-09-17T14:20:05.890+08:00

I am utterly convinced that you can be less of a wreck if you plan your days/weekends properly.On most days lately, a lucid night at home playing a solid round of FM or watching Season 3 of Justice League on the laptop is what likened to a straight mood line - neither happy nor utterly sad. Just, emotionless. Which in a sense works out good for me because one can't expect to go through our

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-21920518707335690822007-08-22T08:35:00.000+08:002007-08-22T09:11:54.564+08:00

I have always gone to Baybeats with a guitar strapped on my back.2007 was supposed to be the year I gird my camera and a bottle of water and play spectator to the schedule. But alas, I ended up there with a guitar strapped on my back, yet again.Playing in bands have thought me many lessons, some I would never have learned should I have picked up coin collecting or X-Box spazzing. Like how to

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-39035706368878284812007-08-20T11:18:00.001+08:002007-08-20T11:36:35.145+08:00

Hanging around,Nothing to do but frown,Rainy days and Monday always get me down - The Carpenters.Granted that Karen Carpenter would gripe about candy vending machines too if given half the opportunity, bless her soul. For the longest period in my existence, this song in many ways assured me that my abhor for rainy days was not well, unnatural.Never mind that 90% of the people around me reserved

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-25460427071892080352007-08-15T11:30:00.000+08:002007-08-15T11:54:17.335+08:00

I sometimes think that I don't know my age.The 'not knowing' here is not a simple case of number constipation, but rather it is the same 'not knowing' that is often applied to strength. You think a friend's robot toy's arm is as strong as Hercules, you bend it and it snaps. There is an element of over-emphasis on one side of the fence, namely that it is supposed to be strong enough to withstand a

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-62840161772429441662007-08-13T11:04:00.000+08:002007-08-13T17:50:17.919+08:00

I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it - Nick Hornby, (Fever Pitch).August, ten years ago, I thought I was in love.Although the thought here is purely a product of hindsight. For all intends and purposes, I was in love 10 years ago in August. I could still

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-73552720543788345242007-07-23T16:25:00.000+08:002007-07-24T10:28:31.616+08:00

I hate meeting old friends.It's fine if it is a rehersed, planned meet so you can mentally psyche yourself up for the occasion. It's another proposition altogether when you sit yourself on a comfy couch at Starbucks on a lazy Sunday morning, order your mango frap, start up the laptop and you eyes catch, ta dah ... an old friend.And not just any friend. This is the one who climbed up that mango

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-36410447521099590462007-07-22T12:19:00.000+08:002007-07-22T13:00:03.939+08:00

I tried clubbing before.I even remember the day. It was a Friday I believe, after work. Me and my bandmates were to meet out record company execs at 10pm in that club in 1 Utama. Yeah the one that was pretty hot around 10-11 years ago. We sat outside at the balcony. We were sat on a wooden-finish table with matching wooden stools.I remember dressing up for the occasion. A black shirt and a pair

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-65157012006787706922007-07-16T09:31:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:14:30.707+08:00

It's bloody appalling the time we waste mastering guidelines.If you've taken a driving test you will realise that the 100 things you are required to do before you actually start a car is actually pretty useless once you own a car and are driving everyday. Or mathematics. How we learn these complicated and earth-shattering equations only to discover that what you need for the rest of your life

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-37994303533186634702007-07-12T09:31:00.000+08:002007-07-12T11:04:46.076+08:00

Sigh, my existence feels absolutely wrong today.A month ago, I got the venue wrong for a show I was supposed to go to. With everything there's a first. The time was fairly spot on but the venue was 'the other side of the city' wrong. But you know, it takes something rather logistically supernatural to have both place and time wrong.Which is exactly where I feel my existence is at the moment.The

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-29809059194780608522007-07-06T11:31:00.000+08:002007-07-09T12:20:25.581+08:00

I have never been outwardly competitive.Which is probably why I naturally did not take much to sports when I was younger. I am the person more likely to initiate a walk-over when it comes to facing a more skilled opponent rather than yanking my socks up and pull a few punches in. Which would also explain my aversion towards contests.There are some people, whom given any challenge, would learn the

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-41558219266731507102007-07-06T10:17:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:19:07.582+08:00

I drove home last night feeling like the last Post-it in a set.Have you ever used a stack of Post-its until the end? I always discard the last piece. Unless of course I happen to be doing something that required two of them at a go. Which is rare, at least for me.To leave just one piece lying around is too ... confusing, improper even. Because at which point do we decree that a Post-it has been

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-45437538732550416352007-07-04T09:54:00.000+08:002007-07-04T10:58:55.057+08:00

For the past 30-years of my existence, I can probably count the times I could actually remember what I dreamt the night before.They weren't even particularly jaw-dropping. One involved me watching a Sigur Ros show at some stadium, looking behind the stadium and discovering that a giant crocodile has just emerged from the sea. Yeah typically nonsensical stuff like that.Then there were occasions

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-1405269735867849302007-07-02T11:48:00.000+08:002007-07-03T14:04:08.495+08:00

With absolute respect to Thom Yorke and Grant Gee I am declaring that meeting people is most certainly, not easy. That's absolutely bollocks. Though I am enough of a Radiohead fan (not a sensationally big one) to realize that given Yorke's public-shy demeanor, that the title is of course, completely sarcastic.I hate meeting new people.I realized recently that I hate the experience so much that

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-66731320347504993402007-06-28T11:41:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:21:27.779+08:00

In theme with buttons on a remote control, let me introduce you to the rewind button.We essentially use the rewind button only when we need to revisit a scene. This could be because you were too busy scrapping the bottom of a Pringles tube as such that you missed a pivotal moment in the film or like me, you have less and less ability to sit through a full movie at home and as such, you use it to

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-83982694584468077632007-06-27T09:09:00.000+08:002007-06-27T10:01:08.769+08:00

It's odd that these days, when I mention Transformers: The Movie, everyone assumes its the mega-buck Michael Bay slam-fest extravaganza.Actually, its not that odd when you have huge billboards of Optimus Prime staring back at you on the freeway everyday. But its odd to me mainly because for the longest time, Transformers: The Movie was the 1986 seminal animated feature. Yes, the one where Prime

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-87505984105947585242007-06-22T09:47:00.000+08:002007-07-10T09:05:47.560+08:00

Note: Bangkok is full of sleeping dogs, has a petrol station that turn into a club called Full Tank in the night and tons of cool band tees.

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-50016465232533339882007-06-21T16:43:00.001+08:002007-06-22T09:47:35.622+08:00

I need to press a huge freaking red pause button on my existence just about now.I just need the film to stop moving, for the plot to cease developing, so that I can take 10 bloody seconds and figure out where the hell this is going. For the longest period now, my life has been unfolding itself like a shitty B-grade assholic film about a guy who gets his life screwed up, proceeds to screw other

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-35583609470745128842007-06-20T10:52:00.000+08:002007-06-20T17:16:58.297+08:00

It's absolutely confirmed, shopping = consumer prostitution.I was absolutely shameless for the past four days in Bangkok. Selling myself to the lowest bidder, the one who can sell me a Belle and Sebastian shirt for 150 baht as opposed to the guy across the street who wanted 30 baht more for it.And while at some surface level I can attribute these things to practical consumerism, I can't help

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-73818218811528562532007-06-15T09:26:00.000+08:002007-06-15T10:56:07.411+08:00

Why do people incessantly prefer to regress?Oh right, cause change is bad, right? Or at least alien, and like the little green goobers, should be zapped into thin air by our regressional ray guns.It's hard to think that we survived the plague, two world wars and a certain racial riot just so that we can go on pretending that society somehow stopped progressing since colored televisions were

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-47182392881961414372007-06-13T16:48:00.000+08:002007-06-14T14:16:34.780+08:00

Okay, it's not funny anymore.It's nice to play the villain when it's in front of the camera, film is rolling and you have 10-million sitting in the bank because of it. As in you are just playing. Not that fun when someone actually loses an eye.I have been gouging out more than a few recently. But more importantly, I have been having little or no remorse about it. In fact right at this moment, I

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-44719361180708400802007-06-11T09:16:00.000+08:002007-06-11T09:53:44.877+08:00

I have not been blogging for a bit.There is an essential reason for that. I have been trying to disengage myself from my bitchy thought processes. So as such, I've not been thinking long and hard about things. I've tried to keep everything short and honey pie-d.Why? Because of something me, Chris and Fergs were chatting about on an 8-hour train ride from Singapore back to KL. About how previous

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-39436791100259573772007-05-31T14:23:00.000+08:002007-05-31T15:24:24.395+08:00

I had my first sip on Sunday.It wasn't a grandeur event. Just a casual 10 buck beer while watching some bands play at some dingy club. No friends egging me on like I imagined on some days.The whole no alcohol thing started as a stand, which gradually morphed into a habit and now it's well, it's nothing. Like Britney's pop career.I didn't particularly liked it by the way. Maybe it's the first time

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-64033691696012498592007-05-30T16:37:00.000+08:002007-05-31T15:40:17.133+08:00

I am more convinced everyday that as my years roll on, I will have increasingly less reason to be hopeful. Or at least I will be unwilling to be.Like flexing right-wing muscles, I wish to be sweetly optimistic. Why? Think about it. Being idealistic is the nirvana of modern day living. The fact that one can be conditioned enough to believe there is still good in this world or in anything suggests

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-12954179498009903442007-05-28T09:49:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:12:23.399+08:00

When I was about 13, I had what you can term, arcade addiction.I call it an addiction because I distinctly remember sneaking out at 9pm one night, on the pretext of buying a tin of Milo for my grandma, just to clock in a few games before realizing that I had overspent my Milo budget and had to give some crap to my grandma when she asked me how come it's more expensive. Chinese grandmothers =

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-52766034384048397522007-05-24T13:21:00.000+08:002007-08-14T13:34:53.227+08:00

Can one enjoy misery?Okay perhaps that's a little too heavy on the furthest end. Let me rephrase - can one actually learn to live domestically with misery? Like have a meal with it. Eat crackers at 3pm with it and to go under the sheets with it?Because how can misery be misery if we can learn to stomach it? Then it will be no different than a cup of coffee. Have it and your day could be a lot

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-72783518258800675862007-05-21T11:33:00.000+08:002007-08-14T11:57:10.238+08:00

An outing just isn't an outing without a meal at the start, at the end or sandwiched between.Yes I know, it's terribly traditionally Chinese for me to suggest as such - a notion I have refuted rather fiercely. Because for a Chinese guy to be referred to as being traditional is to suggest that he is a pompous MCP dick that's too proud to admit wrong-doing and blows steam by slapping the kids

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-18870587676058780122007-05-14T10:46:00.000+08:002007-05-14T11:53:27.290+08:00

I caught a Tsai Ming-Liang movie over the weekend.To properly qualify the situation - no, I am not your average garden hose art-house junkie that's constantly looking for cultural symbolisms in film. I am perfectly fine on most days to leave the symbolisms in the hands of an impressionable wet-ear that's straight out of Camp Hollywood. Provided he entertains me.The Hole's premise promised me

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-48294339396338997782007-05-09T10:18:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:23:32.064+08:00

I was reading some old Birthday cards while clearing out some boxes recently and I stumbled upon one given to me by the gang in PC Unlimited 1 Utama. There were a few comments that bounced around nostalgically in my head. One mentioned something about enjoying the Live and Silverchair CD that was given to me then with the card. Which depressed me because I realized the Secret Samadhi CD is yet

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-52991531672952799262007-05-03T10:37:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:24:29.496+08:00

Boom boom, shake shake the room. Yeah, sure.My dad's roughly a baby boomer. What's a baby boomer? The first generation to be raised on TV would be the textbook response. The first post-war generation would be another definition. Basically, it's the generation that just about missed the napalm fun but was close enough to see the consequences.We are the kids of the baby boomers generation. At least

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-86354357744887048262007-04-27T15:20:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:25:49.063+08:00

Somewhere along the lines of the evolution of fascism and social expectations, it was determined that gyms are capitalistic hoodlums that slave to the goddess of beauty and all things in good form.In other words, I've been told by some selected people that it is not a place I would/should be immediately associated with.But alas on Tuesday, ol' 'fascist' me and chin mane have decided to cast lots

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-79328748648382094762007-04-24T17:22:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:26:44.067+08:00

There was a period, when I was rather happy to be a poster child for post-modernism.Why? Same dang reason why we have philosophy majors who end up vegeing at home and people who pretend to read Dennett books in bookstores even though they're probably bored sick of it.But alas, all great pretense must come to and end. If anything these days, I absolutely abhor the intricacies that postmodernism

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-21248474097779177912007-04-09T09:34:00.000+08:002007-04-09T12:14:26.468+08:00

It's official - I have lost my precious copy of the double CD Counting Crows live album Across a Live Wire.Now while to most people, this would mean seriously very little seeing as Adam Duritz has the voice of a ranty banshee and Americana seriously is not the new casual wear for the world. But when you are me and you spent a good part of your college festering on the album and dreaming about

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-42249746588017896222007-04-05T10:59:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:46:33.748+08:00

Some people die at seventeen but put their funeral off until they are seventy-seven. And I see a lot of dead young people, I see a lot of alive old people - BonoLately I have been thinking a lot about growing up. Hardly rocket science seeing as I just struck 30 and there's a tendency for the human brain to generalize and push itself into contemplative mode.So I have been contemplating what I will

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-69800259589628272772007-04-04T12:07:00.000+08:002007-04-04T12:08:50.540+08:00

The toilet at the airport in Bangkok

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-55810402334154839392007-04-03T10:18:00.000+08:002007-04-03T16:53:07.536+08:00

One thing - Bangkok is hot.

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-13120440428364467792007-03-28T12:06:00.000+08:002007-03-28T17:32:15.936+08:00

Some albums I bought recentlyHave you ever patented yourself after someone you see yourself being, or want to be say, 30-years down the road?Some people play out their lives today. They throw dices, make decisions and leave it up to chance, luck and the woman they will eventually marry, to determine what kind of person they will end up being. I have largely tried to avoid that. Maybe because I am

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-6844443844594739502007-03-23T10:47:00.000+08:002007-03-23T15:32:23.153+08:00

Boys will be boys as Blur says. Most 30 year olds walk out casually in a collared tee and khaki shorts, I walk out with a pair of white Converse sneakers and a Trail of Dead tee. And of course, most 30 year olds get Polo tees and watches as birthday gifts, I get a Transformers toy and two helium-filled Marvel Super Heroes balloons.I am left wondering if the reason why I gravitate so heavily

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-41103137299717378912007-02-26T10:40:00.000+08:002007-02-26T15:29:35.102+08:00

Before I start ranting, I want to take the moment to salute the people who can be sincerely happy without trying. You are special, no matter what your cynical neighbor tells you.I on the other hand, am very ordinary.I tried churning out a week's worth of happy posts and seriously, it's a bloody pain in the ass. Because essentially, to some who are ordinary like me, what keeps them from cracking

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-108102720429282002007-02-23T09:21:00.000+08:002007-12-02T09:14:08.765+08:00

I did probably the most brilliant thing I've done in the last 2-years - I got myself a room.And not just the throwaway room I’ve been getting downstairs but a proper one upstairs where there is air-condition and parquet floors. This was possible only thanks to my sister’s sudden bout of independence. So that little 40-minute window at night, when the air-condition is cooing and I turn on the

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-35060868266999254482007-02-22T09:04:00.000+08:002007-02-22T10:59:50.790+08:00

There's some joy to be had in kicking back on a Wednesday night knowing that you have the TV all to yourself and about 10 episodes of Battlestar to keep you company.Granted I did not go through all 10 but I did managed to watch about 5 episodes. Ah, lovely. Well then again 'lovely' is not exactly the word when it comes to Galactica but yeah, lovely.I also drove to Centrepoint and got myself a

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-70382030478724108862007-02-16T15:13:00.001+08:002007-02-21T08:49:53.791+08:00

I had pink fried rice for lunch today.I mean it tastes no different than regular fried rice except that it's pink, which makes it more cuddly. Not that I would want to cuddle my fried rices but you get the picture.The day started off rather frantically. Plenty of doom gloom please but it has settled into a nice 3.17pm lull. I was worried that I would be sent off to CNY with bullet holes but this

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-89198677652525881872007-02-13T10:43:00.000+08:002007-08-14T14:50:21.995+08:00

What a great and wonderful day today is.The sun is shining bright, the coffee smells va va voom and the emails at work have been suspended in the time and space continuum.Which leaves me 7.5 hours to hang loose and think about what to do over the weekend. Let's see, should I go grab a decent bite at Fridays, shop for some clothes and perhaps buy that RM248.00 TV from Giant for the room. I mean, I

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605042.post-55887141084188852512007-02-09T11:27:00.000+08:002007-02-09T11:43:51.603+08:00

Are you a morning person?Not many are. Hard to say why but I conclude that the cause strides somewhere between the love of sleep and the social habits of modern chic culture.I on the other hand, have always had a love affair with mornings. Well, sunny mornings at least. A morning is essentially useless to me if it's physically little different from a day-fading 7pm. It has perhaps become quite a

The Geeknoreply@blogger.com0